Behaviour upon son's death Options

[Muslimah]

When Umm Salim got married with Aba Talha Al Ansari and she was granted with a beloved son, his father loved him so much. The child became ill and died while his father was in his work. When the father returned home, he asked his wife about the son. She replied: he is in his quietest modes. She prepared dinner, wore perfume and dressed up in her best garments. Her husband took her to bed and had an intimate relation with her. By the end of the night, she told him: Aba Talha, do you see if some people lent other people a loan, a trust and a deposit, then came to ask them for it, would those people refuse to give it back? He said no. She continued: Allah may He be Glorified lent you your son as a load, and then took him back to Him, account this with Allah and be patient..
He said Inna lilahi wa inna elayhee rajeoun (to Allah we are and to Allah we shall return) . Next morning, he went to the Messenger of Allah sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam and told him. He said, may Allah bless your past night. She became pregnant, the newly born was brought to the Prophet sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam. The Prophet took some dates, chew them, and he took the ground dates with his finger and place it into the infant's mouth and the infant would taste. She said: O Messenger of Allah, give him a name, he name him Abdullah. There no better young man in Medina than him. His off spring were all of the Mujahedeen who performed Jihad in the name of Allah on foot not riding. Abdullah martyred in Persia. In another narration. Abu Talha was granted ten sons who all memorized the Quran. (reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

[Muslimah]

Narrated under the authority of Abdullah Ibn A`mr Bin Ala`as that
Rasullah salla Allah A`lyhee wa sallam said: Dunia (this world) is a
place of enjoyment and the best of this world's enjoyment is a rightous
woman" (reported by Musnad Ahmed)

[SisterJennifer]

Sister Muslimah, or anybody,

Can you please explain this hadith to me. I've never really understood the point behind it and I know I am not the only one. Is it trying to say we are supposed to give our husband food and pleasures before bad news? I think if I were in this situation I would not even wait for him to come home, I will call him to come right away. I have a feeling there is more to this hadith than meets the eye.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
This is the whole point behind narrating such hadeeth and making Umm Salim a role model Jennifer is that the vast majority of women would just behave under emotional distress. But this woman (and the point is not giving food and pleasure), but the point is how to bring such news, how to analyse it, she introduced it as that Allah Took back the trust He originally granted. It is about how a Muslim woman should perceive the most difficult test a partent can go thru.
BTW, my grandmother behaved in a smiliar situation almost the same. Her daughter was very ill, she was looking after her and my granfather was downstairs, the daugter passed away, my granny came down saying she slept. Only in the morning that she broke the news, however, also after she felt the daughter passed away, she said 3 times Alhamdulelah for loosing my daughter. There are even role models in the modern time.
So to sum it up, no the hadeeth is not about giving the husband food and pleasure, it is about how to perceive/behave during tests and trials.
Leave alone that it also indicates how Allah Rewards those who are patient and accept Allah's decree.

[SisterJennifer]

Yes, I understand that. Of course the emphasis should be on how she broke the news. Obviously, I can call my husband home from work and break the news the same way. Or just let him come home and break it in the same way. I didnt mean we should call frantically to bring him home. Do you think I want to make an accident? But for sure Im not going to feel like dinner and a rendezvous and I dont think a woman should have to feel like she is faulty for that.

And of course we have role models in every era alhumdulilah! Even in our own communities.

This post has been edited by SisterJennifer: Feb 14 2009, 02:40 PM

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
Of course jennifer we do have role models in every era, however, as you asked me to try and explain the hadeeth, according to u, the point was a bit ambigous for you and others, I tried. So just to underline things, the main point is not only how did she break the news, but also how did she perceive it, which made such a hard test bearable for her and the husband and because of this Allah Rewarded them much. Again, as you certainly know, Quran and Sunnah are filled with teachings and landmarks which we must strive all our lives to follow as much as possible. Non of us will be able, though, to fully implement them. We can only try.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
Jazaki Allah khairan Jennifer for making me ponder more deeply in the hadeeth. Sobhan Allah, as far as I can see, probably Umm Salim realised and thought of the other hadeeth that promises parents who loose children and maintain patience saying inna lilahi wa inna elayhi rajeoun that Allah Commands for the building a house in Jannah for them. This is what mitigated the hard test for her and allowed her to behave in such a manner. wallahu a`lam.
May be you too if u try to ponder more deeply you can come up with more lessons to be learnt and share it with us.

[SisterJennifer]

Jazak Allah khairn sister. Actually I have been thinking about it too. I was thinking about the story of Musa when we met the wise man, Khidar (I dont know if I have the name correct) and while he was with him the wise man killed a little boy. Musa could not understand why he would do such a seemingly cruel thing and came to find out later that the boy that was killed was not a believer but his parents were good people and believers and he was going to be a problem for the parents and later the parents, didn't Allah replace the lost child with a better one?

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
Mash a Allah Jennifer, see when we try and look for the insight of the hadeeth we Alhamdulelah come up with more and more lessons that makes us realise the wisdom of our beloved Messenger salla Allah a`lyhee wa sallam.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
I also believe that it is about how to invest any situation in getting closer to Allah and Please Allah.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah

First time experience:
Sobhan Allah, my very dear and sweet Sudanese neighbour's 31 year old son fell off the window on the 11th floor. I heard her and her sister calling for help, as she was surprised by the porter coming up to inform her. It ended up that the young man fell from his room's window and other neighbours on the 2nd floor heard the loud bump on the ground of the garage, called the porter and thus he came up to tell her. What i want to relay here is that was my first experience to see a mother in real situation. Her sister Mash a Allah was quite an asset, told her where is the Prophet, he is down under earth, where are our mother and father, she told her keep ArRahaman in your heart. The tested mother was in a shock, she kept bouncing between crying and then suddenly she calls upon Allah, then again, unrealising goes into his room, looks off the window to the laid down body, and keep telling me these are his clothes, these are his gadgets, these are his things. I pulled her out of the room, closed the door, me and another neighbour trying to clam her and reminding her of Allah. I started telling her to say after me inna lillahi wa inna eliayhee rajeoun, my other neighbout told her go ahead say after her, dont loose your ajr, he needs now more than ever, make dua for him, your dua is much needed. She kept responding at times, then looses her control at others. O ya Allah. That was really hard, may Allah Grant her Sabr, Enable her to maintain herself and Sabr, I kept reminding her of the house built in Jannah for her. O Sohban the One who Is Eternal.

May Allah receive the young, very descent man in the best manner, may Allah Keeps his heart fixed during questioning, may Allah enlighten his grave and makes it a part of Jannah and not a part of Juhannum, may Allah Wash him with snow water and hail ameen.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
Sohban Allah, next morning I went to see her off before she left with the body to Sudan, Allah Allowed me to look at the situation from a different angle and dimension for this woman's benefit.

I realised he fell from a very high place and the Messenger salla Allah a`lyhee wa sallam in the hadeeth classifying shaheeds, included one who falls from high place. Insh a Allah he is one, may Allah Accept hiim as one. Then he fulifilled his role in this dunia and was granted this rank. His role was to bring his mother to a higher rank Insh aAllah as Allah sometimes wishes a certain rank for the devotee that a devotee cannt attain thru his/her work, so Allah Sends tests and tribulation as mercy. O ArRahman, and yet grants Sabr helping the inflicted person to attain this rank. May Allah Grant her a high rank ameen and builds her a house in Jannah ameen.

[hefny]

When Umm Salim got married with Aba Talha Al Ansari and she was granted with a beloved son,
his father loved him so much.
The child became ill and died while his father was in his work.
When the father returned home,
Wise wife reaction first test1.
he asked his wife about the son. She replied: he is in his quietest modes.
2. She prepared dinner, wore perfume and dressed up in her best garments.
Wise wife second test3. Her husband took her to bed and had an intimate relation with her.
Here after husband relax & she explained to him gradually
Also here clearly how she interrupt the death of her child
4. By the end of the night, she told him: Aba Talha, do you see if some people lent other people a loan, a trust and a deposit, then came to ask them for it, would those people refuse to give it back? He said no.
5. She continued: Allah may He be Glorified lent you your son as a load, and then took him back to Him, account this with Allah and be patient..
Wise husband reactions
6. He said Inna lilahi wa inna elayhee rajeoun (to Allah we are and to Allah we shall return) .
7. Next morning, he went to the Messenger of Allah sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam and told him.
Allah reward for patient parents
8. the Messenger of Allah sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam said, may Allah bless your past night.
9. She became pregnant, the newly born was brought to the Prophet sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam. The Prophet took some dates, chew them and he took the ground dates with his finger and place it into the infant's mouth and the infant would taste. She said: O Messenger of Allah, give him a name, he name him Abdullah.
10. There no better young man in Medina than him.
11. His off spring were all of the Mujahedeen who performed Jihad in the name of Allah on foot not riding.
12. Abdullah martyred in Persia. In another narration.
13. Abu Talha was granted ten sons who all memorized the Quran. (reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

[hefny]

Based in our reactions we are not equal & Allah reward us more than what we can expect either right away our hereafter
Even profits & companions were not equal as were clearly mentioned in QURAN

That most of profit got tired from unbelievers & prayed against them but profit Mohamed sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam did not
also Companions Omar tried to compete with companion Abu baker but he failed
When Omar donate his half wealth to profit Mohamed sallah Allah a`lyhee wa sallam & he found out Abu baker gave all his wealth

also If we look about ourselves we found our reactions for same thing are not equal based in our limited capablities we can see wrong things right & vers versal

The secret here this weman understood about Allah (Allah may He be Glorified lent us everything as load, and then he may take them back to Him therefore we should account whatever we lose with Allah and be patient..)
If we try to imgen here what will be the women reactions for such case :

Expected Action
1. Get shocked how this happened
2. Why was it happened to here?
3. Crying & cutting clothes & screaming
4. Praying to Allah for forgiveness
5. Be patient & immediate acceptance the rule of Allah
6. Thanks Allah for the remaining blessing
7. Helping other part of the family member to be patients & prying for forgiveness
8. Getting closer to Allah & GETTING READY FOR HEREAFTER

Is this going to brought him back from death to life?

1. No
2. No
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No

Is there may be a better replacement from Allah for above actions ?

1. No
2. No
3. No
4. Yes
5. Yes
6. Yes
7. YES
8. YES

Is paradises may be a reward for above action?

1. No
2. No
3. No
4. Yes
5. Yes
6. Yes
7. YES
8. YES

[Dan]

Bismillah
As Salam alaikum

Always a sign for us... How many people who are going to die today, expect to die today? Maybe a few, but I would not guess the majority. Subhannallah. Insha'Allah he gets the reward of marytrdom and his mother continues to be patient.

I am 31... each day bringing me closer to my death.

As Salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

[Hafiza Hanaan]

Assalamualaikum

JazakAllahuKhayran for explaining the hadeeth i was going to ask u abt it:)
it happened in my own family my brother was very ill,my mother was looking after him,he died while my father was at work.My mother did not even told us,when my father came he asked abt him and my mother simply said he is sleeping
my father had dinner,but my mother could not eat,i was able to understand that there is something wrong but my mother was trying to be normal after dinner mom and dad went to bed as well as we did,i remember in the middle of the night i heard tiny weeny crying voices i went out of the room and saw my mom on the Musallah making dua for patients,i went to my father he was sleeping,i looked at into the baby cot my brother was there but he was rapped in white clothes i again went to my mom and asked her whats wrong she smiled and said nothing and took me to bed,i was sure that my brother is dead but i could not break the news coz i was just too scared and confused,i could'nt sleep the whole night and kept on weeping and making dua.at fajr time i prayed and asked Allah to put in my mind what should i do?than i heard mu father's voice i went out and he was carrying my brother,my mother than told me everything and she said i used the example of umm Salim to explain everything:)
i am too proud of my mom coz she is patient in every incident Alhamdulillah...

[Muslimah]

Bismillah
as salam alykom Jowayriyah, Sobhan Allah, may Allah Puts it in the balance of your parents Hasanats, ameen.

Patience is a gift and one should always seek to secure it during all tests and tribulations because behaving otherwise will never allow the person any benefit. I always tell myself and others, when experience problems, we are already sitting for the exam, we better succeed.

[Hafiza Hanaan]

Assalamualaikum

yea u r right sister Muslimah:)
but most people are unable to be patient in such situations specially the new generation

[amma]

Assalamu alaikum all

this topic has reminded me of a lecture i listened to and Alhamdulillah i loved it.

Mama I'm Waiting For You In Jannah by Muhammad Alshareef

http://www.discoverulife.com/public/182.cfm

This post has been edited by amma: Jun 1 2010, 09:17 PM